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Real Answers

You Asked:

I often baby-sit for my neighbor, but she never reciprocates when I need help. What should I do?

No wonder you’re frustrated; every mom needs a break once in a while. And, chances are, if you bring up the subject graciously, you’ll be able to work something out.

The next time you see her, tell her you’re glad you’ve been able to baby-sit, but let her know that you also need a go-to person to watch your kids occasionally. Then, make a specific request right then: Ask her to baby-sit later that week or next weekend while you go to the doctor or have a meeting. After a friendly reminder of how often you watch her kids, she’d be hard-pressed to say no.

Regardless of her answer, also suggest the two of you set up a regular schedule, so you each get equal time without kids. For example, propose that you alternate duties every other Friday night. Or swap Saturday afternoons so you both have a chance to run errands.

If she resists (or agrees, but the one-sided arrangement persists), ease out of the relationship. But since you are neighbors, keep it friendly: The next time she asks for help, gently tell her you don’t have time. Keep declining -- unless it’s a true emergency -- and she’ll eventually get the picture.

Your Expert

Irene S. Levine, who holds a doctorate in psychology, is a professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine and the author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup With Your Best Friend.

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